Lights up to full. Group is assembled for the meeting
BILL:
My name is Bill and I'm an alcoholic
ALL:
Hi, Bill.
BILL:
And this is the regular Tuesday night open discussion meeting of the Lambda Group of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'd like to thank Jan and Ronny for doing the readings. Does anyone have an urgent topic they need to discuss? (wait) If not, then for tonight's topic I wanted to talk about spirituality. I know that scares a lot of people. It did me. I didn't want any part of religion at all. So I've been sort of working around that part of A.A. It wasn't until some real crises started happening to me and to someone I love very much that I realized I was starting to rely on some kind of outside power to help handle them. It isn't really religion, but more of a feeling that there was something inside me that I had been turning off, like a light switch, and maybe there was a higher power or some form of God out there, and in here. The twelve steps talk about "God as we understand Him". So maybe that's how I understand him. It's like a feeling that keeps saying "You're going to be OK, you're going to be OK". I really need that right now. I'm grateful to be here and be sober.
JO:
I think I know what you're saying, Bill. You are going to be OK. I'm going to be OK, too. I've been feeling that way more and more lately, like something's happening inside me. It's more than just being sober, or not drinking, it's like realizing that things can get better, and that I deserve better.
JO sings ""Freedom Waltz"
You told me this morning you're tired of my loving
You can no longer cope with my faults
We'll I remember you told me it takes two to tango
Well no thank you, I'd rather waltz.
And I'll do the freedom waltz
I won't have to lead, or to follow
Freedom waltz
I'll dance away all of my sorrow
You go out each evening, drinking and playing
And leave me at home all alone
Well you can find another partner for your heartbreak tango
Cause I'm waltzing off on my own
And I'll do the freedom waltz
I won't have to lead, or to follow
Freedom waltz
I'll dance away all of my sorrow
It may take two to tango, but if I can't tango
I won't sit at home on a shelf
You know there's lots of other dances, it's time I took chances
And learned how to waltz by myself
And I'll do the freedom waltz
I won't have to lead or to follow
Freedom waltz
I'll dance away all of my sorrow
Yes I remember you told me
It takes two to tango
Well no thank you, I'd rather waltz.
Segue straight into the next song. HENRY is standing at a bar, or something representing a bar, talking to CAROLE, who keeps her back turned to the audience throughout the song. Henry sings "You Don't Remember"
You look at me as if I were a stranger
And you've got that "come on baby" look in your eyes
You hold your cigarette just so
For me to light it, I know
Then you flash your green eyes and smile at me so nice.
You ask me if I come in here often
If I'm new in town, and what I do
What's my name, what's my sign
You say my eyes are so divine
And then you ask me if I'd spend some time with you
You don't remember
It was just three weeks ago
You don't remember
Now I'm someone that you don't know
You don't remember
When you held me oh so tight
And you told me you'd always cherish so deep in your heart
The love we shared that night.
So like a rerun on TV I hear those lines again
You're divorced, you're lonely, you're looking for romance
You think that disco is a bore
And you think maybe we've met before
Well, would it jog your brain if I took off my pants?
You don't remember
It was just three weeks ago
You don't remember
Now I'm someone that you don't know
You don't remember
When you held me oh so tight
And you told me you'd always cherish so deep in your heart
The love we shared that night.
So please forgive me if I'm less than cordial
But what's wrong with me I can't communicate
No I don't think that it's the flu
Maybe a bad case of deja vu
Hell, you might even say it was something that I ate
And you don't remember
It was just three weeks ago
You don't remember
Now I'm someone that you don't know
You don't remember
When you held me oh so tight
And you told me you'd always cherish so deep in your heart
The love we shared that night.
You told me you'd always cherish so deep in your heart
The love we shared that night.
Lights down on the "bar" area, up on downstage center and HENRY moves down for her monologue.
HENRY:
- Hi, my name is Henry and I'm an alcoholic. (wait) I was always the one who could drink everybody else under the table. I could HANDLE my liquor. Always in control. As far as anyone else knew, I was stone cold sober until I got to my own bed and passed out. My travelling job help a lot. Nobody notices that hangovers are a trend if you're in a new town every day. I had a real good system worked out. Be the new face in town every night, pick up some cute little thing, party my tail off, and be somewhere else the next night. Close friends of mine were shocked when I stopped drinking. They said I couldn't be an alcoholic. They said my problem was all the traffic through my bedroom. Well, they were half right. I was finding as much escape with sex as I was with the bottle. After I sobered up, I worked that much harder to get more sex, to make up for the lack of booze. But you know, the girls don't get prett-i-er at closing time if you're not drinking. So after a while the traffic kind of slowed down. Didn't stop, just slowed down. I don't know what I was looking for, but I sure as hell kept looking. I think that's gonna start changing, though. The other night, after a particularly bizarre encounter on my return trip to Memphis, I did some heavy thinking. Why am I still acting like I'm drinking if I'm not drinking any more? I guess I gotta be willing to change. Maybe I am. Getting a straight roommate is curtailing the traffic of strangers a lot. I have to consider her now, too. I'm finding out what it's like to have a friend. I never had that before, just sex partners. I'm enjoying Jo's friendship. That's a nice new feeling, you know?
BILL:
How about you, John? Didn't you want to talk tonight?
JOHN:
Not really
BILL:
Maybe you should.
JOHN:
Do we have a control problem here?
Pause. BILL keeps looking at JOHN
JOHN:
OK, I'll talk. My name is John and I'm an alcoholic.
ALL:
Hi, John.
JOHN:
I'm confused. Really confused. I don't know whether I believe anything any more, or if I believe it all even stronger. I'm scared. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm angry at life, angry at my family. I'm not ready to say I'm angry at God yet because I want to keep Him on my side. I believe in love. I believe in LOVE
CAROLE (as John's mother ):
What you did is a sin
JOHN:
I can't believe love can be wrong. I can't believe love is a sin
BOB (as John's father):
God is punishing you
JOHN:
I refuse to believe anybody would be punished for love. My parents say I'm being punished. Shows how much they know about love. Telling their own son who is going to die in a few months that he is being punished.
CAROLE and BOB:
We don't have a son. Our son is already dead to us. He did it to hurt us. Our son is already dead. We don't have a son.
JOHN:
They live is this make-believe Ozzie and Harriet world where everything is milk and cookies after school, and nothing ever goes wrong, and all the boys play football and go steady with the cheerleaders. Well, your son has a disease, Mom, and he's burning up real fast. He's burning away because he wasn't afraid to love. Maybe it isn't all tidy like a 50's family sitcom episode, but my life is in brilliant color, and yours is just black and white and dark. And I can't live in the dark.
JOHN sings "Shooting Star"
You say that everything is perfect here
The grass is green the sky is blue and clear
How straight the roses grow
They're planted in a row
And perfect order is what you hold dear.
You seem to thrive on mediocrity
You leave no room for creativity
But under my disguise
Down deep inside my eyes
I burn to make a change for liberty
And I will always be a shooting star
And I will never linger where you are
You'll see me burning bright
Dissolving in my flight
To bring a little light of love
To your cold and perfect night
(BILL joins in with harmony)
I knew that someday I was bound to find
Someone to share the secrets of my mind
The force of love so much
That when our souls did touch
The flame so brilliant it could make you blind
And we will always be a shooting star
And we will never linger where you are
You'll see us burning bright
Dissolving in our flight
To bring a little light of love
To your cold and perfect night
As the lights of our dream flicker from view
We sail into a dream all shining and new
And we will always be a shooting star
And we will never linger where you are
You'll see us burning bright
Dissolving in our flight
To bring a little light of love
To your cold and perfect night
RONNY:
My name is Ronny and I'm an alcoholic.
ALL (a little surprised):
Hi, Ronny
RONNY
I know I almost never share in these meetings. I like to listen, and draw from your experience and strength and hope, but it's really hard for me to open up. There's something I know I have to share with you now. John, your honesty has made it easier for me, and I am so grateful for you and your spirit. This is hard for me. You all know I just went to my high school reunion back in Georgia. I had a chance to talk to my best friend from grade school and high school, Holly. She's in the program, too, but that's not all we have in common.
RONNY sings "Holly Wood, part 1"
You sat behind me in the fifth grade and wore my friendship ring
We planned our futures in your backyard, beside the old tree swing
I was going to be a singer, and you a movie star
We'd get out of Macon, Georgia, and we'd go far
Holly, you wanted to be Marilyn Monroe
Off to Hollywood you'd go
And be a movie star I know
And Holly, I knew we'd help each other all we could
'Cause if anyone would be my friend, I know that Holly would.
We hung out some in Senior High, when you were between beaux
And wrote our acceptance speeches for the Grammy and Oscar shows
We planned one last blowout for graduation day
But then I heard you'd gotten married and run away
Holly, you wanted to be Marilyn Monroe
Off to Hollywood you'd go
And be a movie star I know
And Holly, I knew someday I'd find you if I could
'Cause if anyone would be my friend, I know that Holly would.
I saw you after ten years, when I'd just begun A.A.
You'd been in treatment, you'd been divorced
You always knew that I was gay
I lived in Hollywood by then and I sang in several bars
I hoped someday you'd join me, and we'd be stars
At the twenty year reunion you looked like a movie queen
With your platinum hair, and scarlet smile like the former Norma Jean
I told you I still sang some, and that I had H.I.V.
And when no one else heard, you whispered, "just like me"
Holly, you wanted to be Marilyn Monroe
Off to Hollywood you'd go
And be a movie star I know
And Holly, we'll see each other through this like friends should
'Cause if anyone would be my friend, I know that Holly would.
RONNY:
So that's it. I have HIV too. And so does my best friend Holly. I never would have had the courage to talk about this without your example, John. Thank you so much. I guess I need to "practice these principals in all my affairs" and realize I am powerless over this disease, too. I'll let go and let God. One day at a time. Thank you for listening and for being there for me. I love you all so much.
BOB:
(softly) My name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic
ALL:
Hi, Bob
BOB: Maybe something my mother told me will help. You all know she has cancer. She's failing pretty bad now, but she won't talk about dying. I mean, she's done her will, and she's made us tie up all the loose ends with her apartment and her bills, but she won't talk about dying at all. My sister told her she needed to accept the fact that she was dying. Mama looked at her and said:
JAN: (as Bob's mother)
I'm not dying. As long as I've got breath in my body I'm not dying, I'm living. I know I'll be dead soon, but it's not going to ruin my day today. It's my choice. Today, I'm living.
JAN sings "I Choose to be Living"
Someone told me I'm dying, said it was true
Well I look at truth from a new point of view
And that's why I'm not crying, I've found a new way
I am filled up with life, and I'm living today.
And I choose to be living, I choose to be free
A disease in my body cannot infect me
I am strong
I am well
I am pure
I am whole
I may seem sick in body, but I am healthy in soul.
BOB and RONNY join in:
You might swear we're all dying, you might swear that it's true
We'll I've got some earthshaking news just for you
JOHN joins in, speaking at first
Call it living or dying, when the facts are the same
You can choose fear or freedom with only a name
And I choose to be living, I choose to be free
A disease in my body cannot infect me
I am strong
I am well
I am pure
I am whole
I may seem sick in body, but I am healthy in soul.
End of Act II
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